I'm leaving

I wrote this three days ago, but for some reason I haven't been able to post it.

I'm actually kind of a mess about this, but I think it is for the best. The whole haloscan issue changed the history of this blog irrevocably anyway. I have decided not to delete this blog, though. I want it here for me, if for no other reason. There are things that I said, and ways that I said them, that really capture the spirit of who I was and what I was doing at the time, even if I don't have the benefit of your gracious and caring (and sometimes challenging) comments anymore. In particular, strange as it may seem, I'm especially sad to leave the December 2004 saga that chronicled the pain I felt, and the support you gave, during that painful time when my husband was in China and I learned that marriage was in serious trouble. Those were the 3 or 4 worst months of my life by far, and you were there with me to help me process and to lift me up. (I kind of want to link back to that first post, but without the comments it really sounds more pathetic than it was. That post alone had something like 50 comments.) I could talk to you in a way that I couldn't talk to other people. I could share details, and intense emotion, and process out loud. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had all of you during that period. I feel similarly sentimental about my early days of motherhood and your interest in and support for my new family.

I'm in mourning leaving AAYOR, but I'm hoping to take the best parts with me to a new place. This is in keeping with my hopes for 2010 and beyond: finding and embracing the me that I am now while still honoring the earlier versions of myself. (That sounds less schizophrenic in my head than it does on screen.)

If you want to come, please redirect your feed readers to:

http://signofthewolf.wordpress.com

With the help of renewed interest, and a handy iphone app from wordpress, I'm hoping to make blogging more central to my journey these days.

And for your investment in AAYOR, and in my life, thank you.

Holiday

I've been off since the 19th and won't go back until the 5th. This is the longest break that I have all year, and the longest stretch of consecutive days that I have with my children all year.

I'm having a painfully mixed bag of a time this holiday. Last week the little boys and I did a lot of Christmas prep during the day, mostly cooking and baking and cleaning. During the evenings, Spouse and I wrapped gifts and assembled various gifts (e.g. To got a kitchen... it took 2.5 hours to put the fucking thing together!) The days and evenings were busy and felt a little rushed but it was still good to be home and good to be together. Christmas Eve, from about 4 on, was wonderful (FIL's flight was canceled so it was dicey for a while but he made it onto another flight and arrived only an hour later than originally planned.) We had a very traditional southern Italian Xmas eve dinner (many, many fishes) and lots of wine. It was very all very merry. Of course, I regretted that last glass of wine when To woke up at 12:30, inconsolable, and ended up sleeping with me, horizontally of course, but only after being WIDE AWAKE and singing "ABC" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Rain Rain Go Away" until nearly 3am. (Part of it was the novelty of sleeping with mama. This is only the 2nd time in 12 months that I've brought him into bed with me, both times because he was so hysterical that I couldn't think of anything else to do to calm him. Spouse ended up sleeping in the boys' room so that Bug wouldn't sneak out and open presents before we even woke up.) Christmas day brought lots and lots of stuff and things. I was overwhelmed, actually, by the sheer volume of stuff that I had to open. (Among my favorites were an enamel over cast iron dutch oven, Mr Bento, these shoes in burgandy, and the scrabble onyx edition.) We've had a lot of downtime since, lots of time playing with new toys. We rearranged (and purged) the game room/playroom/family room so that we could accommodate their new stuff--a good thing.

Throughout the break my mood has been so uneven. I'm happy to be home, for sure, and I'm thrilled to be with the kids and so happy that Spouse was able to take vacation, too. But I'm also feeling really stressed out and easily annoyed. Bug is getting bored, and has become increasingly needy. He wants someone to play with him, or get him something, or show him something, or feed him something, or reach him something, or put something together, or tie something to something else, or make To stop it, or make E and V stop it, or button his pants, or tie his shoes, or "mommy the track came apart AGAIN. I need you to fix it NOW." Meanwhile, To is so very 2. He spends most of his day trying to figure out how to climb on things, like the stove. Or work the coffee machine. Or jump from the back of the couch to the kitchen table. Or roll a dumptruck down the steps. Or knock train track apart. Or racetrack. Or whatever else his brother is playing with. Or, 'You're cooking? HOLD ME!" "You're going to the bathroom? HOLD ME!" "You're talking to grandma on the phone? HOLD ME!" "You're trying not to cry? HOLD ME!"

I love them so much that it literally hurts. I have fun with them when we play with the new kitchen or the race track, or god help me, the trains. I like to paint. Making dough ornaments was my idea. I let them make a huge mess just so that we can bake together. I try to let go of other things like laundry and cleaning until they are in bed or otherwise engaged so that I'm not constantly telling them to buzz off. And yet... and yet I feel like I want to jump out a window about 40% of the time. And I feel heaping amounts of guilt because I'm not happy all of the time and I do blow them off sometimes, and I do snap when they ask me 50 times for a drink of orange juice.

1. This is not our normal routine. The boys have pretty structured days at school and lord knows I do. I'm not good at giving structure to our time at home, in part because I want our time to be relaxed and easy. I do preview for them when we have some things that we have to/want to do (like, "Ok, dudes. We're going to have some breakfast and then get dressed so we can go to the store and get dog food.") and I do give them warnings when we're about to change activities ("We have about 5 minutes left in the bath and then we have to get ready for bed.), yadda yadda. But that's about the extent of our "structure."
2. I don't have a wide repertoire of preschooler behavior management techniques. Blame it on working motherhood, my own ineptitude, their nearly immaculate records... whatever... I'm just not great at handling them sometimes. For example, Bug stopped napping at home about 6 or 8 months ago, so he usually melts down around 4 and is prone to meltdowns and freakouts from then until bedtime. (He still naps at school so weekdays are fine.) I SUCK at dealing. I offer options for stuff to do to keep him from getting bored, but I don't always want to sit and do them all with him. I try to use time outs sparingly and get really upset when he screams during time out or stops listening altogether. And the worst of the worst for me is WHINING. I cannot stand whining. I have such a visceral reaction to it it is like there is a whining nerve wired throughout my body and it fires every time I hear one of them whining. And I'm BAD at reacting (and worse at not-reacting) to it.
3. I haven't had a day off without children in... ... I can't even remember. Not even a sick day since To decided to get sick, too, the last time I stayed home with a fever. It has been at least a year since I've had a day off without children. The schedule that I follow at work synchs with their school calendar. This is very important because we can't afford the million dollar preschool tuition AND a babysitter on days that school is closed. But it also means that

Awesome. Well, I was typing this while Spouse took Bug to see The Princess and the Frog so that I could have an hour or so alone while To napped but I guess it was too scary for Bug (something about a voodoo guy?) and they're back. Maybe I'll finish it later.

Happy Christmas,Eve Lovlies.

I'm working on XE dinner: baccala salad, cod and potato stew, linguine with tuna sauce, shrimp cocktail, stuffed mushrooms, etc. etc. These are the dishes of my husband's family and we make them to protect the traditions. And we're the only ones who do, apparently, so that makes it even more important in our minds. His Sicilian ancestors would be so proud.

My father in law is on his way. I'm using his mother's recipes so I'm actually a little nervous. When Spouse and I do XE alone, we improvise a little but I'm trying to stay true. There is at least one thing that he can complain about: I used fresh cod instead of salted. But I'm prepared to defend my choice with a hearty, "Couldn't locate it!" We did find the oil-cured olives. And the bread. And the nuts. We're still working on the right figs.

I don't mind the work, or the money (wow this crap is expensive!). I just hope that he truly enjoys all of it. I want him to feel welcome and honored. We don't get along especially well--I don't think that he likes me AT ALL--but I"m making a genuine effort. I'm a little nervous about it all.

Merry Christmas Eve to those who celebrate. This is one of my favorite nights of the year. To To is awake (an hour early! crap!) so I'd better finish this martini, turn down the sauce, and go up and get him.

Fuck you, Haloscan

Haloscan kicked me out early, just like Laura and Phantom.

I exported almost 5,000 comments. I couldn't just let them linger there, all alone. And I feel (overly) sentimental about losing them. I remember that when Blogger started doing embedded comments, I switched until I realized that I would be losing all of my old Haloscan comments and it upset me so much to think about losing so much of the history of this blog, particularly those comments to posts that were hard to write. Or were easy to write but hard to post. Now those posts are hanging out there in the universe, lonely.

It feels like I just lost a box of letters.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I'm pissed at Haloscan. I don't want to pay for something that Blogger will give me for free, and I feel blackmailed because they're holding my comments hostage, really. But it isn't like I'm comment heavy these days! It's all I can do to crank out a post of some kind once a week.

Most of you read via feed readers and probably won't even notice that I also abandoned by custom template because I don't have time to futz with figuring out how to get rid of the Haloscan code and go back to regular comments. (I used to be pretty adept at such things when I was blogging regularly!)

This sucks.

(no subject)

To woke up sobbing and when I scooped him up he hugged me but asked for Daddy.

Thank god that my husband has grown into such a great father. I literally can't explain to you how I function when he's not here.

Quite often the only time that I'm alone ALL DAY is in the car so I tend to make most of my calls between 7:30 and 8 am and 4:30 and 5:15pm. I'm not unique in this, I know. So this afternoon I called my mom to chat while I was driving home from work as I do about twice a week. She was shopping and asked me if I had any ideas yet about what we would like for Christmas. I told her that I wanted clothes but BEGGED her to make it easy and just send a gift card. (You know, because of stuff like this (the pics are gone... they were on geocities! Wow my blog is old.) I gave her a suggestion for Spouse. Then, she started to complain about how hard it is to decide what to do about To.

ME: Tell me about. I have exactly one idea. I'm going to get him some cute wooden food to go with his pots that I got him for his birthday.

MOM:I thought about that, too. Unless you think it would make (spouse) upset.

ME: Huh? All he got them so far was a Lightening McQueen racetrack and some sleeping bags.

MOM: No, I mean... you know. Because he's a little boy!

ME: MOTHER. Are you KIDDING ME? You really think that it would bother (Spouse) if we got him play food?? We're talking about buying them an entire play kitchen!

MOM: Well! I don't know. At least don't buy him a pink kitchen.

ME: I won't if I can avoid it! Don't get me started. I can't tell you how much it pisses me off that retailers have to divide their toys into "boy toys" and "girl toys." Why should Target decide who gets to play with what? I hate their website.

MOM: Well, not everyone is as progressive as you are I guess.

ME: My views are quite controversial, yes.


I'm pretty sure that she was teasing when she made the comment about my "progressive" views but she was quite earnest when she asked if my husband would be bothered by kitchen-related toys for our sons. SHAME ON YOU, MAMA. I shouldn't be surprised given what I've seen her give my nephews. (She likes to give things like realistic looking water guns, light sabers, all sorts of action figures that shoot things. All the fun stuff that mean old AAYOR Mommy won't buy. At least when they were really little she stuck to Little People playsets and toy cars.)

I dread the day when my kids come home upset or confused about what is ok and what isn't for boys. At the moment, thank god for Montessori school.

***********
On a completely different note, even though I hate Target for their stupidly gender-divided toys, I love them for many other reasons. So, I was there last week browsing toys, trying to get some ideas, and saw that they had a giant box of pretend food for like $10. The Melissa and Doug food is AWESOME and I adore their toys for many reasons, but it is pricey. Like $20 per set unless you get it on sale (and the sale ones at TRU sold out on cyber monday before I got to them. boo.). So I picked it up to check it out and I was SO disappointed. It was full of play JUNK FOOD. A few fruits and veggies, bread, cheese, milk, a few other things but tons of crap like hotdogs, burgers, fries, boxes of Hamburger Helper and macaroni and cheese. WTF?

Made it.

This makes the baby Flying Spaghetti Monster cry

I stopped into Target this afternoon to pick up a few things and on my way out the cashier said, "Have a great Sunday and a Merry Christmas!" To be fair, I had a dead giveaway World's Most Adorable 18" Christmas Tree in my cart. (A bargain for $2.50... this was the 2nd one I bought. The first was for the boys' room, this one is for my kitchen table. But I digress....) Anyway, I'm personally not bothered when someone wishes me a MC because I happen to celebrate it myself but I do favor the trend toward wishing the general public a "Happy Holiday" for the obvious reasons (more inclusive, etc.).

I noticed when I returned that a former grad student of mine posted this to his FB status:
Stand for Christmas

Millions upon millions in our nation deeply value the great truths of Christmas and the holiday's inspiring place in American life and culture. We hope you will take a moment to "Stand for Christmas" by sharing feedback about your Christmas shopping experiences.

We're asking YOU to decide which retailers are "Christmas-friendly." They want your patronage and your gift-shopping dollars, but do they openly recognize Christmas?

The part that depresses me isn't that Christians want to support retailers that acknowledge their holiday openly... fine, whatever. It really isn't any different than me supporting retailers that treat their employees fairly or are good stewards of the earth. The part that depresses me is that they are also bent out of shape about retailers who are "Christmas-negligent," meaning (I ascertained since they don't have any definitions on their site that I can find) that they fail to mention or "openly recognize" Christmas. In other words, stores that aren't overtly displaying religious-themed merchandise or using the word "Christmas" everywhere are deemed "Christmas-negligent." Excellent, too, are the comments from raters who are often deeply offended by clerks who wish them a "Happy Holiday" or stores that they characterize as hiding nativity figures in a corner. My favorite comment was from a woman who was pissed at M@cy's for failing to provide a selection of inflatable nativity figures for her lawn.

Cold is cold

The house that my parents live in is often cold. It was built in the 60s and as far as I know, no one has ever verified that it is actually insulated, except for the attics that are visibly insulated to varying degrees. My bedroom was the smallest and the coldest by far. I haven't lived there for 17 years but I can still remember the frost on the inside of the windows on the coldest mornings (they put new windows in eventually, but long after I moved out) and how cold the hardwood floors were year round. The warmest place in the house was the children's bathroom. The vent in the floor used to blow like a hairdryer. I can remember waking up in the morning and finding my youngest sister curled up on the bathroom floor. (I can also remember being pissed that she thought of it and I hadn't. This is the same sister who, in the summer, would sleep in front of the only fan in the whole damn house, but that is another story entirely.)

The rooms in our house in New England ranged from 10 to 60 years old and the insulation ranged from "shitty" to "nil." In fact when we opened the walls to convert the dining room into a bedroom for Bug, we found ZERO insulation, just the backside of the wooden siding. We added as much insulation as we could as we remodeled, but he house was never, ever warm enough. The wide master bedroom had too many windows to stay warm, in spite of the fireplace. Oh, and the radiant heat in the ceiling kept the top of our heads warm. Yes, not the FLOOR, but the CEILING. (It made fabulous cracks in the plaster.) We didn't have a/c in that house, but somehow the summer stickiness was never as bad as the winter cold that seeped in everywhere in spite of our best efforts to weatherstripsealcaulkclogup every gap. There, I dreaded stepping out of the shower. I knew that the moment I stepped out, I would be sucked into the cold black hole.

Have you been to the cold black hole? When you feel so cold that you feel hopeless and vaguely scared and know in your soul that you will never, ever feel completely warm again?

Sometimes, while I am in the cold black hole I experience intense déjà vu. Suddenly I am transported to a dark mornings, circa 1985, and I am walking to the bus stop--perhaps the most excruciating of all cold. Maybe I never had a warm enough coat, or maybe I was too cool to wear enough layers.* All I really remember well is the wind pressing against my coat, my fingers freezing inside of my gloves, my nose running, numb toes, and the intense belief that my parents must really and truly hate us to make us stand on the corner waiting for the school bus rather than driving us in to school like our friends' parents did.

Tonight I shivered as I was getting into the shower. For the first time, it is less than 70 in here. It took a long time for the shower to heat up to the intense skin-pinking temperature that I prefer and while I waited I caught a glimpse of the cold black hole. Thankfully, it only lasted a second, but the feeling was as intense as ever. I've lived in Texas for almost 8 (non-consecutive) years but I'm still a Northern girl, conditioned to dread the cold in whatever form it takes.



*Around that time, my parents bought us all puffy down coats for Christmas. For whatever reason, they bought ski jackets for my sisters and for me a god-awful lilac colored knee-length puffy coat. I felt like a purple snowman. I never, ever wore it. I think that it really hurt their feelings but I didn't care. I was willing to brave the cold black hole to avoid wearing that stupid, horrible coat.

Real Simple Magazine for $5 at Amazon

This is too good not to share. I just ordered a year of 'Real Simple' magazine at Amazon for $5. Sale ends Dec. 1. There are also a few other mags on sale for $5, but this is my fave of those available. This will make a fun bonus gift for my mom, too.

Real Simple for $5 at Amazon.

I'm feeling a little melancholy today. I miss my mom already wish that she would have stayed the weekend. Dad had had enough by the time they left this morning, but he held out longer than I expected. I get the feeling that he wanted to say something to me before he left. He said some sweet things about the boys and thanked us for a wonderful time, but before that he said something like, "mom has your address, right?" which was totally weird because, duh, she's my mom. But I suddenly got very paranoid that he's planning to send me some "please stop voting for democrats because they're killing all of the unborn babies and plan to kill the old people" kind of letter. I guess I'll deal with it if it happens, but I seriously hope that it doesn't.


Tomorrow we'll decorate for Christmas. This is probably the earliest that we've decorated but Bug is over the moon about Christmas this year and we can't resist his enthusiasm. I hope to put some lights on the outside of the house this year, too, although we don't have a ladder tall enough to reach the second floor so we may have to string lights in the trees instead.

I think that I'm secretly hoping that decorating for Christmas will lift my spirits, too. It always has.

(no subject)

Generally a great T-Giving in spite of some weird Dad-vibe. I think that my kids wear him out. (They wear ME out, so I'm not surprised!) I think that he feels weird about leaving without having had a chance for real conversation (we haven't been alone together for more than 10 seconds). Mom seems sad. Bug told her that she can come back "any time she wants" and begged her to come to his Birthday party next month. It is hard for her to be so far away from them. I forget that sometimes. She and I never really had a chance to visit without the kids interrupting or my sister being annoying or my brother interrupting. But, that's how my family operates. I shouldn't feel surprised!

Can't wait for Thanksgiving. Except for the whole takeing my parents to 8:30 mass part. Ugh.

(no subject)

Update on last night: I guess on the way home from the bar last night, Spouse asked my dad not to bring up politics while they're visiting "because it could be bad" and my dad agreed. He also said that he doesn't want to discuss it with me because I'm smarter than him. Well, that may be true... but if this holds, Spouse will be deemed the smartest one of all.

Good lord.

We had a great day today. My mom and I attended the Thanksgiving Feast at the boys' school (adorable but sitting in tiny chairs for an hour is hard on the knees) and then mom, brother2, dad and I took Bug downtown to the big park. Had a blast. Mom loves turtles and there were tons and tons in the water today. Weather was gorgeous, too. Stopped for ice cream and at a local art shop and wine store on the way home, then dinner tonight a very cool local joint.

So far, all of our choices are a big hit. The alcohol is flowing in the evening but everyone is keeping it in check so far (thank god). Dad and Spouse will be gone for most of the day tomorrow so mom and brother2 and I will take the kids to the local park and maybe do some shopping if To can handle it. He can be kind of a pain in mall-type situations.

For tomorrow, my goal is to focus and enjoy this visit more instead of worrying about what might go wrong. I'm going to regret it if I don't.

So far so good-ish

Took them to a gorgeous lakeside restaurant for dinner and a few drinks. The boys were hilarious and very well behaved. Dad paid (SCORE!) Dad and Spouse went to watch Footbal (SCORE AGAIN!) Tomorrow we go to the Thanksgiving Feast and then who knows.

But... Bug felt warm tonight when we got home and didn't seem quite himself. I hope he was just tired from staying up late and and running around. I hope he's not getting sick!

ETA: SHIT MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER.

Spouse's boss is with them at the bar. He just called and left me a VM. Something about there is a book that we're going to get you at B&N. I think you're dad wants you to read it, Glenn Beck's Arguing with Idiots. What this means is that the boss started in on his Republican vitriol (fueled no doubt by alcohol) and I'm certain that my dad agreed with him. And I'm also certain that he let my dad know in no uncertain terms where I stand on any number of issues--since I've been especially vocal with him.

The can of worms, she is open.

FUCK.

My parents and brother2 arrive tomorrow afternoon. I have most of the week scheduled, primarily because my father can't sit still and if we have too much downtime, he'll start to get anxious. To make matters worse, they'll be here during the week when there isn't any football to watch, so it isn't like we could just tiptoe quietly out of the room and leave him to it. The plan so far is to do an early dinner at a fun outdoor place overlooking the lake tomorrow night, Tuesday my mom and I will go to the "Thanksgiving Feast" at the kids' school and then, weather permitting, we'll all go to the cool park in town. We may try to meet my sister for dinner somewhere. Wednesday my dad and mom will play golf with Spouse and his friend while my brother and I go to the local park with the boys. We'll have dinner here on Wed to avoid the craziness of trying to go out the Wed before Thanksgiving. Thursday we'll park here. My mom and sister and my kids will bake and cook while the older dudes watch football. It should be really nice weather and I plan to take a long walk or 2 with my mom around the neighborhood. They leave Friday morning around 10, which is kind of sad but also kind of awesome because it means we get a whole 3 days off without guests before we have to go back to work.

The second reason for keeping my dad occupied is to avoid long periods of silence when he might want to talk to me--especially about politics or religion. I can imagine 3 versions of how this week could go down

A. He decides not to go there, neither do I, and we have a peaceful weekend talking mostly about the city, family, and playing "hey, look at what the kids are doing!"
B. He makes snarky comments about Democrats, Health Care, Obama, Pelosi, etc., and I pretend like he's not talking to me.
C. He asks me direct questions about how I feel about the state of the country/economy/etc. and I answer them. He is incredulous at best and at worse freaks the holy hell out about the kind of person I am and what I must be teaching my children.

As horrible as this sounds, I plan to lie my ass off about whether or not we go to church just to avoid conflict. I also plan to prime the children by using words like "church" in a lot of sentences between now and then.

The thing is... and I don't really care how this makes me sound because it is the truth... my dad and I have a fragile relationship. He hasn't been to visit me since 2002 and hasn't seen my children in a year and a half. He recently had one of those medical scares that makes you start to "think about what matters" and "get your priorities in order." This is what prompted him to tell (not ask) my mother that they were going to visit us for T-giving this year. He's making an effort for the first time in a very, very long time and I am curious to see what that looks like or what may come of it. I'm worried that it won't go well, but I'm also worried that nothing will feel substantively different. My sisters who live near them say that there was a burst of grandchild enthusiasm shortly after surgery but that it started to wear off pretty quickly. Given that we're the out of towners we usually garner extra enthusiasm, so my hope is that we can ride that to Friday.

If it doesn't work, then bottoms up. I bought 6 bottles of wine and 1.74L of Bombay Sapphire. I will make it through the week one way or another!

I've had this blog for almost 6 years. This is my 948th post.

For the first 2.5 years or so, the content of my blog posts was pretty tightly linked to my everyday life. Much of what I wrote was a play by play of my day but I also did a lot of reflecting on where I was, what I was doing, what it meant. Lots of complaining, lots of whining. Some celebrating.

After Bug was born, things kind of ground to a halt. I know that some people find it extremely irritating when mothers use the "I just don't have time anymore!" explanation but there is just not much more to it. Kids take a lot of time and energy, especially baby ones. I'm not good at fitting things in that I just *want* to do but serve no other practical purpose.

In the last 3 years I've also moved across country, changed careers, had another baby. Some of it has been really interesting and stressful and exciting. Some of it has been horrible. And I wish that I would have blogged more of it, if for no other reason than to have a record of what I was thinking and feeling along the way. I haven't done it in a while but I really enjoy re-reading my old blog posts, particularly those mundane posts that just described my life and how I felt about it.

I joined NaPoBloMo to give myself a reason to log in every day and a reason to say something in this space. I wanted to try it on again and see how it felt. I wanted to test myself to see if I had anything to say. I think that I do, but I'm not sure. I've written drafts for some more substantive posts that I hope to work through in the coming days. I used to love writing here, but at some point it started to feel like a chore with little payoff. I want to find a way to spend more time writing without feeling that way about it.

(no subject)

As I am 2 Bombay Sapphires in to Martini Friday, I'll not be posting anything tonight.

I'm posting this so as not to completely flake out on NaPoBloMo.

I am going to try to pick up steam in the last week. I haven't posted much of substance and I regret that.

Off to tidy the kitchen and hopefully to #3!

I found out today that a friend of mine is making upwards of 3k a month on the side doing statistical consulting. I didn't have a chance to ask how, and what, and for whom but I plan to find out soon. I also know that this person's skill set is comparable to mine (if not a little less diverse) and that I have scads more experience turning numbers into pretty pictures and representing complex relationships in flashy ways.

I wonder if I could put that on my business cards.

I'm living in No Land with little To. He is a contrarian. He says no even when he means yes, just to say no. He also has picked up some fabulous phrases from his school friends. Things like, "No, I do' wan' to." and "No way!" and "Nu-uh." and "No, just be-tuz (because)."

I don't remember No Land with Bugga. It isn't that he wasn't occasionally difficult (he was. and is.) but he has always been pretty easy to persuade. To is much more strong willed. If he doesn't want to go potty, he's not going to go potty. No incentive or begging is going to do it. I feel like I need a wider repertoire of persuasive strategies suited for toddlers. Mostly I just rely on tricking him into stuff.

Heh. It just occurred to me that he's LIKE ME. I hate when people tell me what to do.